A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

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Lawyer Jokes

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What get orthodox cross is the legal definition of Appeal?

A: A thing a person slips on in a grocery shop.

Q: Why did God make snakes just prior to lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you contact a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: Whats the difference among a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges a lot more.

Q: What do you contact a smiling, sober, courteous individual at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If 1 side has 1, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An provide you can not comprehend.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone negative?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll known as "Divorced Barbie"?

A: It comes with half of Ken's issues and alimony.

Q: What is the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What is the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your lawyer drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: Whats the distinction between lawyers and accountants?

A: At least accountants know theyre boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Dont be concerned. Youll by no means go to jail with all that cash? In reality, when the man was sent to prison, he didnt have a dime.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The purchase italian rosaries nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to believe you had died."

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences when and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you consider you are going to uncover a lawyer?"

4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears a person coming to the door. To impress his 1st prospective client, he monstrance picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I am here to hook up your telephone."

And lastly:

You May well Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging a person to read these jokes.